i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
