Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
