ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
