Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
