I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize