Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
