I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
