I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
