Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
