so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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