Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
