You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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