His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
