She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
where are you?
Hypothermia
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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