He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
