i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
