You're so nebulous sometimes
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
