I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
