dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
babies were throwing up all over the place
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
