I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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