my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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