Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
