we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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