It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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