i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
