That's intense
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
