do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
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We were destined to go to rehab together
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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