Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
