My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
