note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
