I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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