Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
