i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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