you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't deserve a penis
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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