Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!