dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
