i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
