I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
