all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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