He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
