if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize