One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
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I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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