Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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