okay pat passed out under dana's car
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
