And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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