Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
