I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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