don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
