How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
