Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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