it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
