listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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