Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
