I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
