I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
