i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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