My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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