I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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