I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You are the jesus of drinking
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
