your parents love me but you hate me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
