It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
