You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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