So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
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That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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