Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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