i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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