Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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