He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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