I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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