were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
