I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
