I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
