WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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