well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
