just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
