break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
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