Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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