we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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