The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
