why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
