I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm at about main and main street
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
