when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
