When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
