Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
