I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
