I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
