I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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